Thinking about terminating a contract

[kreid]

Hi looking for a bit of advice. I am new to childminding and have had a 6 year old boy afterschool everyday for the last 3 months. Mum wont alllow any TV at all so respecting her wishes, i arrange a variety of activities etc to do with him and include my 2 own children who are ages 2 and 9 months. I know alot of it is due to his age but he refuses to do his homework or his reading with me, jumps on furniture, throws rubbish on the floor, spits orange pips across the room, doesnt want to talk about school etc or anything else for that matter and doesnt want to do any of the activities i suggest. When asked what he would like to do all i get is 'dont know' Have recently implemented simple house rules to address the throwing of litter, orange pips and jumping on furniture to which his Mum thought I was being too strict. My daughter is only 2 and i know alot of their fighting is down to her age and I have tried to be fair about things but he now says that he doesn't want to play with her and yesterday threw a spade full of snow in her face. He shows no understanding toward her and is really quite horrible to her. He has a brother of similar age himself - he should be more understanding. My daughter is in tears most days and it makes it really difficuilt to enjoy looking after him. I am torn as part of me thinks i should give notice on this child as the age gap between him and my daughter is too great and i have to think of my daughter first, and the other part of me feels bad that i have just taken him on and leaving the mother in the lurch as there are no other childminders in the area. He did however come to me from another childminder after only 3 months with her as they said he was bored (Was this really the case, i am now not so sure)
Any advice greatly recieved

[joanne.jeffery@yahoo.co.u]

Hi hun,
To be quite honest, I would not put up with that kind of behaviour full stop and certainly not from a 6 yr old. I'd have him on the naughty step! If his mother is not going to back you up, which she clearly isn't and lets him behave this way then I would have no quams about giving her notice. People have to know that they have to take you seriously in this business or they will walk all over you. Don't give an inch, darling!
There is no one else to advocate for your child but you.
I've had to let children go before because of behaviour issues or the parents requirements just did not fit my ethos. You do what's right for you and your family, not what's right for them. We have to enjoy this job, not resent picking that child up every day or its just not worth it!
If mum was willing to work with you with his behaviour that would be different, but you have to draw a line. Are you disciplining him for his bad behaviour? He needs to know you won't stand for that kind of behaviour.
Good luck making this decision,
Jo.

[kreid]

Hi Jo

Thanks alot, it's nice to get a bit advice from someone who's been doing this a while. I agree with you totally, was just concerned others may think i was being harsh. Hve spoken to mum so will see if things improve, if not, will give notice to terminate.

[LADYBIRD]

Hi i too have had problem with behaviour in the past have not terminated a contract because of it though. I have sheets to fill out to make an agreement re unwanted behaviour, all my parents know that behaviour is important to me and if they want someone who will let the kids do as they please i tell them i,m not the minder for them. I believe in firm but fair and have found it works. I have very few problems now 5 yrs down the line. I have always used the time out spot and always have had house rules, if a child chooses not to follow them they they will not enjoy the time with me as i will not plan and do fun activities with children who willingley disrespect me my children or my home. All my children now behave very well and every so often will sit themselves in time out when they know they have done something unacceptable before i even say anything.
I have covered for another minder in the past and she gave me a long list of all the things he wouldnt do or wouldnt let you do with him, When he came to me for one week i looked after him like i would everyone else and would,nt pander to all his little whims as i could see from the outside looking in that the other minder had made alot of problems fro herself by doing this. He did as he was asked and joined in with everything and after the time with me he told his mum he loved me and asked when he was coming again!
Kids need to know ho is in charge and i firmly believe the behave better when they understand this.
Explain this to mum and tell her if she thinks you having house rules and expecting a certain level of behaiour is too strict then your not the minder for her.
It is your home after all and you do need to enjoy doing this job otherwise you will get really down.
Vx

[small inspirations]

Hey.

I agree with everything that has been said, if it's got to the point where you are unhappy and can't bond with him because of it all then terminate the contract, best to di it verbally and in written form. And with the refusal of homework I really don't believe homework should be part of a childminder's job, I strongly believe that this is the parents responsibility Not the childminders, especially if you are also caring for under 5's. At the end of the day family comes before business, good luck hun xx

[Mac]

I completely agree with all the above! I have been childminding for 23 yrs & have come across many different challenges. I have 2 children of my own with similar age difference to yours & was childminding then. You have to put your own children first, but always be fair. By that I mean I have always treated the children inc my own equally. To combat this problem you have to have the cooperation of the parent/s, otherwise it wont be resolved.
Personally I would let him go. My daughter has a scratch on her face, which is now a faint scar but still easily visible. This happened when she was 4 just before she started school, she's now 11, by a disruptive boy I was looking after. I had to let that child go for the sake of my own children. I am sure also with your own 2 children, tiring enough, you just don't need to waste all that energy on a hopeless cause. I'm sure there is another child out there who would much better fit in. You will feel much better after!! Good luck & please let us know what happens! x

[kreid]

Hi Ladies, Thanks for all your advice, i really appreciate it. I am just about to take on 2 other children around his age, so hopefully, as he will now have someone to play with, it may get a bit better. Just going too keep a close watch and be firm but fair with him, if it doesnt get much better, i will probobly terminate this contract.